Your New Boyfriend Is Hideous

[Verse 1]
Your new boyfriend’s got a face like a rusted plow,
Crooked smile that could scare a scarecrow somehow.
But it ain’t his looks that twist the knife,
It’s the way he talks like he’s lived five lives.
Oh, I’m glad you found your match in him,
Two peas in a pod, both lookin’ grim.

[Chorus]
Your new boyfriend is hideous,
And I mean that in every way.
From the way he chews to his worn-out shoes,
To the nonsense he’s got to say.
Why don’t y’all get married, build a house of sin,
And raise some hideous kids with a grin?

[Verse 2]
I saw y’all at the diner, hand in hand,
He ordered liver, said it was grand.
You laughed at his jokes, though they fell flat,
Like a pancake under a tractor—just like that.
You two together? A sight to see,
But it’s a sight that sure don’t bother me.

[Chorus]
Your new boyfriend is hideous,
And I mean that in every way.
From the way he snorts to his twisted retorts,
To his manners that went astray.
Why don’t y’all get married, build a house of sin,
And raise some hideous kids with a grin?

[Bridge]
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re free,
No more worrying about what you think of me.
He’s all yours now, your prize, your gem,
A diamond in the rough, but mostly just phlegm.

[Chorus]
Your new boyfriend is hideous,
And I mean that in every way.
From the way he leans to his busted jeans,
To his charm that’s gone astray.
Why don’t y’all get married, build a house of sin,
And raise some hideous kids with a grin?